Dealing with fear and other negative emotions in the horse/human relationship.

In this blog post we will look at the differences on how to deal with negative emotions in the horse/human relationship. For the purpose of this article, I am describing our negative emotions as either fear, anxiety or anger since they are the main ones I come across when helping people.

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Why do we compete with our horses?

I ask this question to prompt some debate and possibly even arguments as to whether it is even ethical to compete with our horses at all.

There is a growing band of horse people getting stronger with the aid of social media that are clubbing together to try to ban all types of equine competition with the FEI having to deal with complaints of mal practise in the higher echelons of the competition world.

But I like to put this question to all those at the grass roots, myself included.

So why then do I compete?

Where’s the first place to start with Natural Horsemanship?

When I am called out to help someone who is having trouble with their horse, I often find that they have had their horse for some time and they are at their wits end because they really do not know what else to do and I am their last port of call!

How to produce a top event horse.

Recently I was helping a client show her three year old sport horse at a local county show in Kent. She was determined to keep her relationship with this adorable young horse at the forefront of everything she was doing in her preparations for the show.

How Did I Know That Her Horse Needed Therapy?

I was inspired to write this blog post the day after I had given a ‘Handover Session’ to a client who had asked me to have her horse for the summer to help with the horse’s flighty and spooky behaviour.

This little horse has been with her owner since we first ‘started her’ as a two year old frightened mare, bought over from Ireland. Which means she has been in the same home for over 9 years.

Have you ever wondered what it means to use ‘Natural Horsemanship’ with our horse?

 My definition of Natural is to put the relationship with our horse above EVERYTHING else!

Yep….

You heard me right.

A decade ago I would have laughed in your face if you had said that to me.

The other day, I had a call from a client who has been doing really well with their horse….I mean REALLY well.

I was so proud of how far they had come in just a few short months and their horse was so much calmer, trusting and willing.  He was gaining in confidence every time I saw him and this reflected in his way of going.  He had been asking questions all along as if he was really trying to understand what his owner wanted and their progress was a joy to watch.

It’s the kind of results that every coach or trainer dreams of seeing in one of their students and I felt so humble and privileged that they had chosen me to help them with the issues they initially had.  I think the owner may have thought that I was the influence in how their horse was progressing, but in actual fact, it was mainly due to their persistent dedication and application of the lessons that they had been learning that helped them connect with their horse.

Well on this particular day, I had 3 missed calls from this student and felt terrible that I had not been there in their hour of need.  I try to make myself available if they have a problem when I am not with them and never mind them calling me.  On calling them back, they told me that the ride that day had been a disaster and that the horse had been bucking and rearing every time a horse fly landed on them.

Of course my first feeling was of concern for the rider’s safety and I asked if they got off when things were going wrong.  They did.  They managed to calm the horse down which was evident with the licking a chewing and then remounted, only for the horse to behave like that again.

Now then, consider this if it had been you.

What would YOU have done?

Imagine this…..  You have spent the last 5 months, working on your own level of confidence and your ability to connect with your horse, recognise his needs……. and were just beginning to forget the anxiety you used to experience in the past……and this happened.  Would you feel like you had gone right back to square one?

It’s easy for any of us to pontificate how we would have done this, that or the other.

But in reality, most of us would have experienced either one of the following emotions.

Anxiety or Anger.

Now then.    You will probably not like what I am going to say now,  but how HELPFUL to the horse are either of these emotions at a time like this?  How helpful are they to the rider?  Who are they helping?

And this is where emotional responsibility comes in.

It is up to each and everyone of us to behave in a way at any given time that OUR HORSE needs us to behave.  Now that is easy to say.  But not so easy to do.

Anxiety can quickly be removed when we dismount.  That used to be an alien concept to me.  After all, as a B.H.S.I.I, one is taught to ‘master’ the horse and that in turn is what I used to teach.  It never seemed to work in reducing the student’s anxiety though.  They just seemed to get worse….

Now this particular student got angry….really angry…..they said that it seemed as if there was really no relationship at all with their horse.  That the horse SHOULD  have behaved in a better way.

Well, from my own experience, sitting with a psychotherapist for the last two and a half years, learning about this stuff….and NOT just from a book , but from actually DOING it, I am here to ask ‘Why exactly SHOULD the horse do want we require of him?

This means that we are demanding that our horse behaves in a particular way and as soon as we DEMAND things from our horse, we set ourselves up for disappointment.  I am not saying that we have to LIKE it when he doesn’t go in the way we wanted…..

So how could we look at things from a different point of view then?

We could PREFER, rather than demand, that our horse behaves how we would like him to.  We could accept that horses, just like humans, can have a mental block at times and that they are mainly acting on instinct…….

And THAT is another blog post for another day:)

Horses and Humans have an opposing set of instincts and when we understand that concept, EVERYTHING changes for us:)

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